The Mysterious Floating Purse?

Having a drug addict for a husband made me become a very light sleeper. It also caused me to sleep with my purse. This was because he made a habbit of taking any and all money from it and my Mac card. He would take whatever was in my purse and wipe out my bank account. So sleeping with my purse was the only logical choice. I had come to expect him on a nightly basis to try to sneak my purse out of the bed. I always woke to find him crawling around on the floor. It always ended in a fight. One night I woke up and the room was dark. I seen a dim light coming from the door way. My eyes adjusted and what I saw was impossible. My purse was floating across the room. There was no one in the room. Not that I could see. Was I still asleep? Was I dreaming? No the purse was truely floating in thin air. How can this be? I quickly jumped up and grabbed it. It was hooked onto something. I pulled the purse and something fell to the floor. I got out of the bed and turned on the light. My husband had a pool stick and was using it to lift my purse from the bed without entering the room. Unreal. I was being rolled by my own husband while I slept. Anyone up for a game of pool. 8 ball in the side POCKET BOOK!

Was that a dental cleaning or a come on?

I lost a filling in December. I made an appointment and had x-rays done the first week in January. They couldn't give me an appointment to fix the tooth until March 5, but they did have time to clean my teeth the next week. I went back for the cleaning and they hygentist, Bella (isn't that the name of the girl in that vampire movie)was cleaning my teeth. When I went in my mouth was dry, now I could not keep from swallowing the drool that I was gaging on. Bella asked me if I was alright. I told her that I had a dry mouth before coming in and now.... That's when it got weird. Bella answered for me. Now it's wet! She said this with a rise in her voice and a giggle. Then she started to comment and then said "I better not say anything, I should keep it professional". Then she said "Well I guess I have to tell you now". She went on to tell me about her friend who was 43 years old and had gone through a divorce. Now she had a boyfriend and her friend told her she couldn't believe that she could still be aroused. Now Bella did not put in those words. Bella said " She can still get WET". I was shocked that this conversation was happening at the dentist office. So much for keeping it professional. This dental clean was now getting dirty. Bella continued to giggle through out the rest of my cleaning. When she was done she asked if I had an appointment for my filling. I told her they couldn't see me until March 5th. She then went and double booked the dentist and made sure it was on a day she would be there. She said it would be a shame if I had to have the tooth pulled because the made me wait. "You have such pretty teeth". She gave me an appointment for February 19th at 11:30. I left and went back to work. Later that afternoon I got a call from none other than Bella. She talked to the dentist and he could see me on that next Monday anytime I wanted to come in. And yes she would be there. I told her I could not make it on that date. Yesterday I got another call from Bella asking me to come in early to my appointment. Now I have to wonder, why is Bella calling me. She is the hygentist. There is a girl in the office that does the schedualing. This girl is usually who calls me. So I just have to ask, Does anyone else get a dry mouth before going to the dentist?

Why Should I open the Window? Just Rip It Out!

I am 15 years old. Came home from the St. Mikes Fair. It's about midnight. My parents are asleep. My sister Dawn and our friend are hanging out. I go to bed. Now if you know me, I don't like to be bothered when I'm sleeping. I must have fallen right to sleep. I guess it was about an hour later. I am still asleep, but I can hear my sister calling my name. It was coming from a distance. I did not wake up. I can hear her saying let me in and at this point the bedroom door is being pushed on but not opening. Still asleep. I hear all this comotion going on. For some reason I could not open my eyes. Maybe Dawn is messing with me. She always liked to harrass me while I slept. It was a big joke. The door finally flew open as did my eyes. What I saw was a blur. There was a man jumping out my bedroom. What the hell. At this point this person did not scare me, he woke me up. How dare he. Why did he do that? I ran out of the house screaming. What are you doing in my room? Then it hit me. What just happened? My mother was up now. She tried to get my father up, but he wasn't going to budge. We called the police. They checked everything out. This man accually took the window completely out of the frame. My father still would not get up. What a guy! Your teenage daughter just had someone break into her bedroom while she slept. The police said it was probably a carnie from the fair. Must have followed me home. I was lucky that night. But the next morning when my dad finally got his ass out of bed. I hear, "It was probably a boy she let in". Yes dad, I invited a boy over. Instead of letting him in through the front door or even opening the window, I just pulled the window out of the frame. Now that I think about it, you must be right. Thanks daddy for protecting me. Your the friggin best.

The Husband and the Cereal Bowl.

Well, there is nothing in the world like being married to a junkie. It is the most embarrassing life you could imagine. I have many stories of this man that are all OMG moments. This one is about a bowl of cereal and lots of Xanax. My husband liked to use drugs. Lots and lots of drugs. He took whatever he could get his hands on. When he took Xanax he would pass out where ever he was. I had found him on the toilet zonked out, standing for long periods of time zonked out, and this particular day zonked out in a bowl of fruit loops. (How fitting they were fruit loops, because I often thought he was a fruit loop) Yes, he was face down in the bowl, and yes there was milk in the bowl. My first thought was this man in going to drown in a bowl of cereal. What a way to go. Maybe I should remove his head from the bowl. But as I did many times before, helping this man only seemed exacerbate the situation. I thought back to when he was zonked out on his feet and slammed his face on the kitchen table. His teeth went through his lip. I was awaken by his pleas for help. Standing over me with blood gushing from his mouth. Or the time I found him passed out on the bathroom floor. He fell of the toilet head first and put his head through the wall. Or the time he was cooking bacon in the middle of the night and had surrounded the stove with paper towels. (to catch the grease) Can you say fire hazard? Oh yes by the way he was naked at the time. Who cooks in the nude? Oh yes and who could forget the time he was standing at the toilet, door wide open. I was in bed and looked out the bedroom door to see him going to the bathroom in his pants. He made it to the toilet but forgot to take his pants down. Yes, he ended up pants less on the living room floor. And me the dutiful wife came to his aide. Everytime I helped him, it came back to kick me in the teeth. So not this time. The humiliation of being married to this man had finally caught up to me. I could bear him no longer. I wanted out. So in my despair, I left my husband to drown in his bowl of fruit loops. I left the house. When I returned, the bowl had been spilled and the dog was cleaning up the mess. I am no longer with this man. And now he will only have a dog to clean up after him. I quit!